Hate being me

 Bismillah..

I used to write good things here. As i grow older, I learn that not all things are allowed to tell others.

I face abundant of hardship due to my own problem, my own trait, my own personality and my own desire. 

People used to give support, but then leave us handling the consequences alone. I believe that we have Allah in every step we make. But pain, shocked, self depress are all real to feel. 

"You'll get termination letter if you got 3 Show-Caused Letter!"

It feels like, a sharp knive hit my chest. I'm speechless. I admit that I did wrong unconsiously. 

A tiring day, hectic time brought me to a misfortune point. I was frustrated due to short of stock on a very common drug. I cannot make any decision and just follow my colleugue advice, but I don't know how I forgot to settle down another last step in the procedure. 

Should I defense myself that another staff did the same thing? They also ever made wrong decision and missed the working step, just like me. But they are all lucky because nobody notice their fault. But on my turn - it went very bad! 

MISUNDERSTOOD

My commonest problem.  And of course, I hate experience that especially on important things. 

Situation 1 - You are told to not say anything with that important person. But I ANSWER a question being asked. I thought I didn't SAY ANYTHING, but they conclude the 'answer' included in 'saying'. You see how bad it is. 

What did I was labelled afterwards - Stubborn. 

Situation 2 - They told that every personnel should attend the stock-counting day that started 7am. As worked at 2pm, I absent on the programme which started on 7am as I thought evening staff will get excused due NEED TO WORK UNTIL 9PM and that should be CONSIDERED. 

But no, I was wrong. All I got is show-caused letter. I filled in the letter with heart broken mind, awaiting termination letter came. 

Luckily, the boss did not send the letter to the management.

.

I thought human error should be forgiven. But it is not when relating to human-power side (management).

And I hate it.

Because I'm a human too.

Having these shit traits and dumb thoughts. 

And I didn't deserve any place to work.

I hate it.